I hate it when I go on blogging hiatus and then come back and have to apologize for not having posted anything in awhile. I hate it because it reminds me that I am not a super-blogger. It reminds me that I have been somewhat lax and lazy about this blog. It reminds me that, even though this blog was priority #1 in my writing life for awhile, I’m just too tired and drained to make it a priority now.
So, anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately.
After I started my new job, when I was in my blissful “honeymoon phase”, I planned to write a post and gush about how great my new job is and how much I love it. It was going to be a self-indulgent and obnoxious post. But that’s not the post I’m writing today. Today, I’m going to write about my actual mental state concerning my job. It’s not what I expected it to be.
For the last 2 weeks I have been more stressed out, anxious, and filled with dread than I can remember being in a very long time. I would like to go into greater detail as to why, but honestly I’m afraid I would put my job at risk by writing further details. And regardless of how stressed I am about my job, I cannot afford to lose it. My coworkers are assuring me that this “trial by fire” period is temporary, and that once I get a handle on the way the office works and how to interact with my boss, everything will be okay. I really hope they’re right.
Even though I’ve had jobs in marketing and social media before, I’d never done PR until now. And right now I’m running a PR campaign for a massive event with thousands of dollars at stake. I’m learning an incredible amount about event planning and public relations. I’m cranking out press releases, web copy, ad copy. Some of my writing will probably end up on a billboard. I’m accomplishing a lot of things, but I’m also overwhelmed with everything I’m trying to do. I’ve been having stress-induced work nightmares. I wake up in the morning with web copy on the brain. And my anxiety is leaking into my interactions with my loved ones. I really doubt it makes me a fun person to be around.
In addition to this work stress, I’m experiencing some financial strain as well. Despite getting a small raise when I started this job, I’m actually making a bit less than I was at my old job. This is because the cost of my commute is gobbling up any extra disposable income I would have been making otherwise. It’s an entirely frustrating and disheartening situation.
You may see me add a “tip jar” widget on my sidebar sometime soon. I haven’t decided if I really want to add it or not, but I can definitely tell you that a few bucks here or there would make a difference to me. Plus, I’ve been drinking coffee like it’s going out of style. Ungodly amounts of caffeine are pretty much how I manage to get everything done throughout the day.
A lot the activities I do in my spare time have fallen to the wayside. I haven’t gone running in over a month. I’ve been keeping up with yoga, but my eating habits have also devolved. I come home exhausted and want nothing more than to lay on the couch. This post feels like a lot of whining to me. Plenty of other folks have more or less the same issues. Frustrating jobs, financial problems, stress that affects their health and state of mind.
I went from a boring and unchallenging job in a field I did not study to a high-stress and demanding job in the field I’ve always wanted to work in. Essentially, I’m re-learning that I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Maybe there is job out there for me that’s more of a happy medium, but it’s not the job I have right now.
I’m just trying to figure it all out, make everything work, and still find the time to take care of myself. So that’s why I haven’t been around lately.
I hope you guys understand.